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| so yeah been M.I.A for the past year or so, mainly because I lost my password and couldn't get it back, NOT well I just didn't feel like I needed to get anything off my chest on paper at least not on xanga and shit
well it's been awhile so why not describe the important things that are happening? well today I was riding the bus and some kid in the back kept on singing the jay z song I got 99 problems but a bitch ain't one, and I was just thinking, shit, that's the story of my life or at least the way that it could be. I have so many problems and issues surrounding my mother it's as if I could just be like ok. I've got 99 problems BUT my mom and all that's entangled with her ISN'T one of them.
so thats going to be my mantra for the next week or so, 99 problems but a bitch (my mom) ain't one if you got girl problems I feel for you son, I got 99 problems but a bitch ain't one
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| dear god,
I just want to take some time out this morning because i can't sleep to praise you for making me the person who I am today. Beautiful me. you were really showing off when you made me. not only am i extremely good looking, but i'm well educated, and have tasted pussy of the asian variety...in other words, i have social status etc etc but that's stupid to think about, i'm so over it like how i'm so over my punk rock teenage phase. my friends that i have now are all in good private schools and going to become somebody. I, on the other hand, have an impressive resume at public university, where I studied art, and went abroad for a year on fulbright, and now that i am out of school, I lavish myself with praises and can be as standoffish as I want. I don't understand what's good for me, but I know that being on automatic dialog with all of my contacts and talking endlessly about nothing, is way better than being in a relationship nor dare I have any sort of spark in conversation with anybody because what's the use of having sex when intelligent conversation is bound to be had?
I guess some people would call me a racist, but then, I say, foo foo faw faw to them. I'll ignore whoever I want, based on whatever criteria I deem important, like skin color, race, ethnicity, social class, sexual orientation etc.
anyway, my life is not perfect, which basically = i can shit on anybody i want and have that as an excuse.
while i try and maintain and wealthy lifestyle, i am appalled by my friends who have no disregard to high standards at every meal, where I must chew and chew my food into it's dull flatness if my friend had taken me to a place of his liking, man, otherwise I'd rather stay at home!
anyway, I'm not racist, I'm, how should I say, RAWcist maybe. that is I am a raw human being who doesn't like anything candy coated, and will not take any bullshit or like anything that's wrapped up nicely for the sake of it being wrapped up nicely. Basically, I can see through everyone's bullshit and everyone is really lame to begin with anyway so why bother talking to people?
that being said, I'm not a complete loser or anything, I just don't plan on fooling everyone at social gatherings by acting flimsy and happy because I'm not, because I'm too smart to see things as if they weren't things that are like um not bad or at least make me feel blue because I can agree with nothing and like nothing and therefore everything sucks.
ok, thanks for listening god, i usually don't believe in you, but since i've already lost all my marbles, I thought I'd start with finding someone like you for a start.
thanks
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| the game we all play...waiting for my ipod connector, the new radiohead album to leak, for work to start, for the show tonight, we all spend a whole lot of time waiting for things...
last night I saw the bourne ultimatum on my computer, and it fookin rocked! I love the whole trilogy (except the first one which I have to see all the way still...) and I have a huge thing for Matt Damon now. At first I though the was this dorky kid from Boston who came into the spotlight with Ben Affleck, but now, man does the guy have an impressive resume! also he's a terrific actor and his upcoming projects sound way way cool with also being reuinted with Gus Van Sant, so who knows what could happen. Hell it got a lot of people oscars deservedly, namely Robin Williams. Hell I always thought he would win for Blubber! hahaha. But seriously Matt Damon is the shit. The Talented Mr. Ripley, The Departed, The Bourne Identity trilogy!!!, Good Will Hunting, lately he's been playing sort of the bad guy in some films ripley, departed, and he's goooood at that. I know he's going to be in a movie with Sean Penn that's coming up about some political dude which sounds cool. matt damon=female nicole kidman!
that being said, i also have a thing for Naomi Watts. Girls been in so many awesome movies including The Ring, Mullholland Drive, a voice part in Inland Empire, and now Cronenberg's latest flick Eastern Promises. The first ring movie is in my top top horror flicks of all time, as is texas chainsaw massacre. i saw that movie for the first time when i first moved out to colorado, and man, that is some genius stuff. that movie is IMO way more scarier than the exorcist, way way way more cooler and scarier than that piece of shite exorcist bitch.
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| I finally have mustered up the courage to call places that needs to be called like C.C companies, student loan services, and personal loan services. I think it's all because of my training at language line services, my employer. It's not an easy job, but it's not tough either. there are a lot of technicalities that I'm sort of pondering over like how to dial out in case a call is too difficult if you're not certified to handle it. I'm also wondering about their online forum, I'd really love it if it were up and running with people posting there everyday like on ILX or IHM.
I'm terribly glad I have overcome this fear of speaking to people over the phone because so much can get done by telephone. One really needs to have the phone skills or at least the courage to get on the phone with some of these companies and ask the questions that need to be answered or to get the service they need, otherwise, you can't simply rely on email alone. the phone is always one step closer to real interaction.
right now I'm waiting for a couple to check out the apartment, the first thing the lady said was "oh we can come back if it's not ready" after seeing the plastic trash bags on the floor,. the thing is, I don't know where to dump my trash and plus it's raining outside so it would be shitty to dump all the trash....
anyway just got done with the first couple, they seemed unimpressed but eager to jump out of their current situation, except the problem being the size for the two of them and whether or not the place is big enough. the guy was polite and asked me at the end whether or not to go through me or the landlord as if he were interested, but honey, did ya forget something??? you're woman! how you'z gonna live with her in a bedroom this size? it's up to them really, I keep forgetting. Well, we'll just go down the list then, I have someone coming in at 1pm, a cancellation though without a message, how rude, and someone coming at 8:30pm, so I'm prety sure I can squeeze one or two people in between 1pm and 8:30pm! We shall see!
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| alright I spent all day cleaning my place. It is fairly clean, pretty darned clean, except I still have to take out the trash, and I don't know where to dump the amount of trash I have. I listed my apartment for rent and I got 11 phone calls, 10 emails, and one text message within a 24 hour period all of them curious and interested in seeing photos and saying that it'll be a perfect fit for them! Wow. It just goes to show that housing is in demand! Or else my place is the shiznit, cuz it's so close to everything including campus/town/parks etc.
I don't really get out much, there's no point in walking around by yourself in Boulder. It's not like back east where everyone is kinda in their own world and you're able to go about your own business. People here like to lift lids and snooop around, which is kind of crappy if you don't have a walking partner, or a library buddy or shit like that.
Anyway, I'm planning on moving to New York. I thought about this a long time, and decided that I should just go for the gold. I was considering Philadelphia for a bit but I thought, what if it's not that cool? New York is guaranteed to have DIY shows and experimental shtuff, it's never going to go away! Plus I have so many friends, acquaintances, past lovers (: P ) there that I already feel connected and welcomed. I shall make a list of folks I know? Boyuan, Alan Wu, Matt, Raffe, Drew G., Nick L., Emily H., HuanLei Ni, and probably others too. Damn, this is going to be so much fun. I just need to save enough money up to move in and stuff like that but I'm sure my parents will help with this as well.
one thing that is bothering me is whether or not my room is clean enough right now to show. I hope it is. I have 4 maybe 5 people taking a look at it all day tomorrow and into the evening. Wow this is going to be great!
:)
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